open your eyes cause baby i don't lie.....





but then again, i do lie.
all the time.
to cover paiseh.
to cover the truth.
to cover a fear.



nk katekn aku nie kaki bohong.
( which is true ar )
i lie to almost everyone.
i think.
bad bad habit.
ish ish ishh..
cobaan.
k diam ar.
kau diam ar.
diam ar.




niwaes, yesterday was the third week since tok passed away.
i'm still trying to accept the fact.
i super miss him.
i can't seem to remember how he sound like.
when was the last time i talked to him.
but i rmbr when was the last time he held my face.
but i cant rmbr how it felt like.
what i really wish for is just him calling me,
asking me how i am.
him holding me and smiling.
sometimes, when im alone,
i would think of him and just pray just for a chance.
just for me to meet him for a while only.
but then, it wont ever happen.




my another grandfather, yayi.
he had a heart attack.
and he's in the hospital now.
i wanted to hold his hand, to try to comfort him.
but then, i dont know how to. cause im not close to him.
he never hold me. smiling while asking me whether i've eaten.
when i come over to his house, i would always talk to nenek rukiah dulu.
im closer to her than all the grandparents..
niwaes yeah. when i reach the house, he would just ask me to go eat at the kitchen.
or ask me where im from.
i have formal conversations with him.
i always try. i try to make him laugh.
but yayi wont laugh.
yayi is at the hospital now.
im going to accompany my nenek lebih banyak.
yerp.




ok.
niwaes....
k i dont have anything to say anymore.
i dont know whats going on in my life.
everything's in a turbulence.
( however the spelling )
but im staying still.
otak ku mcm berpusing di dalam tornado.
tetapi aku tidak bergerak.
aku pening.

hahaha.
pls eh na. tkmu sey bebual melayu.
kau mcm cacat.
k ar.
someone, pls do call me.
and make me laugh.
i really do need it badly.
but then not at night, cause i lost all mood to talk at night.
im sorry.
=(
hahaha. lame eh.
but its true.
byyyyyeee







i don't like living under your spotlight
just because you think i might
find somebody worthy
kau tau.
aku dah lame tk ketawe gile babi like i mean it.
laauuugggh like you mean it.
and k.. thts not even the song.

niwaes, yeahhh.
the past 2 weeks since the death seems so hectic.
its like no time to think, no time to talk, no time to laugh and all.
i admit tht i havent been spending much time with anyone except for my cousins.
i've been neglecting shiqa the most.



im really sorry shiqa. there were sooo many times when i just wanted to call you and talk to you.
but whenever i pick up the phone, i think to myself there's nothing for me to talk about. there wasnt anything tht i needed to talk about. i just wanted to be by myself at tok's house. i feel so selfish and self-centered. haizz..
but its ok..
im getting better.
so, i reeaaally hope tht both of us will get to see prettier days ahead.
=)).
whenever i had to melawat,
i always try to imagine what it will be like for me when i experience death.
then i just shake it off, saying to myself it won't happen.
stop thinking about it, its like im asking for it.



i wasnt ready for any of this.
tok was so healthy until the past three months.
sakit perut, tk leh pass motion, diagnosed with cancer and within 3 months, he's gone.
tok is gone.
he is not here anymore.
he's my grandfather.
i love him so much.
he's like the support everyone goes to.
he's the one who cares about everyone.
he's the one who remembers who is not there even on his death bed.



tok done so much for this family.
build up this big family.
all of his ten children and many many cucu, all named bujang family.
what are we without him?
what are we?



i know im suppose to accept reality.
i know im suppose to let him go.
i know im suppose to get over it.

but i cant.
the only thing i do to stop myself from not crying is blocking it all out.
but his memory is overwhelming.





and sometimes whenever i think about it, the idea of tok being dead just sounds crazy.
its like it doesnt sounds true nor sound tht it can ever happen.

open your eyes cause baby i don't lie.....





but then again, i do lie.
all the time.
to cover paiseh.
to cover the truth.
to cover a fear.



nk katekn aku nie kaki bohong.
( which is true ar )
i lie to almost everyone.
i think.
bad bad habit.
ish ish ishh..
cobaan.
k diam ar.
kau diam ar.
diam ar.




niwaes, yesterday was the third week since tok passed away.
i'm still trying to accept the fact.
i super miss him.
i can't seem to remember how he sound like.
when was the last time i talked to him.
but i rmbr when was the last time he held my face.
but i cant rmbr how it felt like.
what i really wish for is just him calling me,
asking me how i am.
him holding me and smiling.
sometimes, when im alone,
i would think of him and just pray just for a chance.
just for me to meet him for a while only.
but then, it wont ever happen.




my another grandfather, yayi.
he had a heart attack.
and he's in the hospital now.
i wanted to hold his hand, to try to comfort him.
but then, i dont know how to. cause im not close to him.
he never hold me. smiling while asking me whether i've eaten.
when i come over to his house, i would always talk to nenek rukiah dulu.
im closer to her than all the grandparents..
niwaes yeah. when i reach the house, he would just ask me to go eat at the kitchen.
or ask me where im from.
i have formal conversations with him.
i always try. i try to make him laugh.
but yayi wont laugh.
yayi is at the hospital now.
im going to accompany my nenek lebih banyak.
yerp.




ok.
niwaes....
k i dont have anything to say anymore.
i dont know whats going on in my life.
everything's in a turbulence.
( however the spelling )
but im staying still.
otak ku mcm berpusing di dalam tornado.
tetapi aku tidak bergerak.
aku pening.

hahaha.
pls eh na. tkmu sey bebual melayu.
kau mcm cacat.
k ar.
someone, pls do call me.
and make me laugh.
i really do need it badly.
but then not at night, cause i lost all mood to talk at night.
im sorry.
=(
hahaha. lame eh.
but its true.
byyyyyeee







i don't like living under your spotlight
just because you think i might
find somebody worthy
kau tau.
aku dah lame tk ketawe gile babi like i mean it.
laauuugggh like you mean it.
and k.. thts not even the song.

niwaes, yeahhh.
the past 2 weeks since the death seems so hectic.
its like no time to think, no time to talk, no time to laugh and all.
i admit tht i havent been spending much time with anyone except for my cousins.
i've been neglecting shiqa the most.



im really sorry shiqa. there were sooo many times when i just wanted to call you and talk to you.
but whenever i pick up the phone, i think to myself there's nothing for me to talk about. there wasnt anything tht i needed to talk about. i just wanted to be by myself at tok's house. i feel so selfish and self-centered. haizz..
but its ok..
im getting better.
so, i reeaaally hope tht both of us will get to see prettier days ahead.
=)).
whenever i had to melawat,
i always try to imagine what it will be like for me when i experience death.
then i just shake it off, saying to myself it won't happen.
stop thinking about it, its like im asking for it.



i wasnt ready for any of this.
tok was so healthy until the past three months.
sakit perut, tk leh pass motion, diagnosed with cancer and within 3 months, he's gone.
tok is gone.
he is not here anymore.
he's my grandfather.
i love him so much.
he's like the support everyone goes to.
he's the one who cares about everyone.
he's the one who remembers who is not there even on his death bed.



tok done so much for this family.
build up this big family.
all of his ten children and many many cucu, all named bujang family.
what are we without him?
what are we?



i know im suppose to accept reality.
i know im suppose to let him go.
i know im suppose to get over it.

but i cant.
the only thing i do to stop myself from not crying is blocking it all out.
but his memory is overwhelming.





and sometimes whenever i think about it, the idea of tok being dead just sounds crazy.
its like it doesnt sounds true nor sound tht it can ever happen.

18

SHIQA NURUL NAJIB FINA SHAHIRAH MAISARA

By post:

1. happiness
2. you know. when i look at hadi. i still can't fucki...
3. wells
4. don't look no further, baby i'm back here.i'm here...
5. in the middle
6. Baik bro. I got iphone 4 and i changed my number a...
7. ist
8. omg!its exactly 2 am and im still not asleep yet.i...
9. i am a toopid person.ok that's all i wana say..hah...
10. magic

By month:

1. October 2008
2. November 2008
3. December 2008
4. January 2009
5. February 2009
6. March 2009
7. April 2009
8. May 2009
9. June 2009
10. July 2009
11. August 2009
12. September 2009
13. October 2009
14. November 2009
15. December 2009
16. January 2010
17. February 2010
18. April 2010
19. May 2010
20. July 2010
21. August 2010
22. September 2010
23. October 2010
24. December 2010
25. February 2011
26. March 2011
27. April 2011
28. November 2011
29. July 2012
30. December 2012

Design: doughnutcrazy
Image: Unicornx
References: rearrange