a lost;
Posted on: Saturday, November 8, 2008
Posted at: 6:02 PM
whenever i had to melawat,Posted at: 6:02 PM
i always try to imagine what it will be like for me when i experience death.
then i just shake it off, saying to myself it won't happen.
stop thinking about it, its like im asking for it.
i wasnt ready for any of this.
tok was so healthy until the past three months.
sakit perut, tk leh pass motion, diagnosed with cancer and within 3 months, he's gone.
tok is gone.
he is not here anymore.
he's my grandfather.
i love him so much.
he's like the support everyone goes to.
he's the one who cares about everyone.
he's the one who remembers who is not there even on his death bed.
tok done so much for this family.
build up this big family.
all of his ten children and many many cucu, all named bujang family.
what are we without him?
what are we?
i know im suppose to accept reality.
i know im suppose to let him go.
i know im suppose to get over it.
but i cant.
the only thing i do to stop myself from not crying is blocking it all out.
but his memory is overwhelming.
and sometimes whenever i think about it, the idea of tok being dead just sounds crazy.
its like it doesnt sounds true nor sound tht it can ever happen.
